


Hear my voice

by Hayate



Category: Moominvalley (Cartoon 2019), Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime)
Genre: Child Neglect, Gen, Invisible Snufkin, Platonic Relationships, moominmamma is a saint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 11:54:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18716548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hayate/pseuds/Hayate
Summary: Snufkin never minded becoming invisible. He found it quite freeing actually.My take on 'invisible Snufkin' idea and how Moomin and friends make him visible again.





	Hear my voice

**Author's Note:**

> While I grew up with the 90s anime series, this is mostly based on the new Moominvalley cartoon. 2019 Snufkin gives me so many feelings.
> 
> English is not my mother tongue, I apologise for any mistakes and awkward sentences.

Snufkin never minded becoming invisible. He found it quite freeing actually. Finally, none of his loud siblings bothered him when he wanted to spend the day alone on the riverbank. It looked like as soon as he was out of their eyesight, they’d forgotten all about him. And it was fine. He was fine. He could finally get some rest.

It was only his oldest sister who sometimes came looking for him. The Little Mymble liked some peace and quiet from time to time – after all everybody needs their rest – but she liked to rest in his company. When she couldn’t find him, however, she soon gave up. She was never too good at letting him keep his space and he was too quiet to protest. Invisibility helped him a lot.

The Mymble, bless her heart, was a loving mother but a forgetful one. With so many children it’s way too easy to sometimes omit the one that never caused problems. She still prepared meals for him though, and Snufkin could never say he went cold or hungry. She even cared enough to make him a hat, not unlike his father’s but green in colour, and left it for him to find on his bed.

The day Snufkin found his hat was the day he decided it was time to leave home. He was old enough to make it on his own and he was a wanderer at heart. After all, living in the wild is in mumrik’s nature.

Young Snufkin packed his clothes and a tent. He packed his harmonica which was the only gift he received until he got the hat. He packed some food, a fishing rod and a blanket – everything he would need to keep himself fed and warm. With a letter for the Mymble, he left the house. He didn’t know if he would ever visit it again, the call of the road was too loud.

* * *

Snufkin quickly got used to the life on the road. It wasn’t much different from his life at home. Nobody bothered him except for the woodland creatures who sometimes found his calm presence comforting. It wasn’t often that he was joined by any of them at his campfire so Snufkin didn’t mind it much.

Fish and fruit from the rivers and forests kept him fed, and the blanket kept him warm at night but the mumrik soon found out that the days were getting colder. His jumper wouldn’t keep him warm for long, as well as his shoes weren’t the best for the hard life on the road.

It was the first time Snufkin had to visit a town.

People seemed surprised by his sight. After all, it’s not everyday that you see something you can’t actually _see_. Only the green hat betrayed his presence.

It was also the first time Snufkin found out he had no voice. In the woods he didn’t need to talk to anybody. It wasn’t very convenient, though, when he tried to make a purchase. Buying new clothes was tricky but he managed. He was always very resourceful.

For some reason his new clothes never disappeared with the rest of him. Maybe he didn’t want to be as invisible as he thought. Anyway, it was easier to point at things if you had at least a sleeve if not a hand.

* * *

Snufkin liked his invisibility, thrived in it, he believed, until he met Moomin and his friends.

It was a beautiful sunny day when he first found the Moominvalley. He set up his camp near the river, at the edge of the forest, so he could have easy access to food and fresh water. What Snufkin didn’t know was the place was frequently visited by Moomin and his friend, Sniff. It had the most beautiful wild flowers in the whole valley and Moomin liked to pick them for Snorkmaiden while Sniff tried to sell them to anybody who he met. Including the invisible wanderer that observed them from the shadows of a nearby tree.

“Look, these are really nice flowers,” Sniff said after introducing himself, “in fact, the nicest in the whole valley.”

Sniff seemed surprised by his state but it seemed he wouldn’t mind it as long as he could make some money.

Snufkin shook his head but Sniff kept insisting.

That was the problem with people. Usually they left Snufkin alone when they realised he wouldn’t make a conversation but there were some really stubborn individuals who didn’t seem deterred by his state. Some of them were just annoying, others… they could turn really unpleasant. Sniff didn’t seem like the second type though, and Snufkin was grateful for that. He was even more grateful when Moomin stepped in.

“Sniff, they have set up their tent just over there, they could pick all the flowers they want anytime.”

“But mine are the nicest!” Sniff insisted.

“They are,” said Moomin, “but they don’t need more flowers than they already have.”

Sniff huffed in response. Moomin patted him on the arm and turned to Snufkin smiling.

“Sorry for my friend, he can be quite stubborn sometimes. My name is Moomintroll but friends usually call me just Moomin.”

Moomin didn’t try to shake his hand like most people did. Snufkin nodded in response and that seemed to be enough.

“Do you want to play with us?” Moomin invited. “We’re going to make flower crowns.”

That would be nice, Snufkin thought. He liked flowers well enough and Moomin seemed to be a really kind person. A few minutes in the company of others wouldn’t hurt, Snufkin decided.

The mumrik nodded, his hat bobbing up and down.

“That’s fantastic!” Moomin looked very happy at the prospect and Snufkin couldn’t help but smile in response.

They made flower crowns for a couple of hours. Moomin made one for Sniff and Snufkin each, Snufkin sitting a little apart from the other two made one for each of them as well. Sniff made a couple more with the intention of selling them.

After some time they were joined by Snorkmaiden who seemed just as nice as Moomin, though a little bit more intrusive, and surprisingly by the Little Mymble.

Little My didn’t say much but she recognised him by the hat immediately.

“Oh, Snufkin,” she said. “You haven’t changed one bit.”

Snufkin nodded and shrugged his shoulders as if to say ‘well, yes, you haven’t either’ and then, to make his point clearer, he extended his hand to the exact hight Little My was. She tried to bit him in return and only his reflexes saved his hand. Little Mymble was laughing, though, so everything was fine. Maybe he did miss her a little bit.

However, with so many people the company turned out to be too much. With a courtesy of a short nod Snufkin retreated back to his tent. Surprisingly, as soon as he left, the others left the riverbank as well. He could enjoy the rest of the day in peace and quiet.

* * *

The next day started with a song. Snufkin, tired from the day before, slept a little longer than he usually did. When he woke up the sun was already high in the sky. The valley looked simply beautiful basking in its rays and Snufkin’s heart was filled with joy. He expressed his feelings the only way he knew – he brought the harmonica to his lips and played.

It was a joyful song, Snufkin thought, fast and a little bit jumpy but happy nonetheless.

“It sounds lonely,” said Moonin later when he came to pick more flowers. Snufkin kept playing when he first saw the troll coming but now he stopped.

The mumrik put away his instrument and tipped his hat in question.

“I didn’t mean anything bad by that!” Moomin quickly explained. “It’s just… I could hear sadness under the happiness, you know? But Mamma says you can’t have one without the other. Sadness makes you appreciate your happy days even more. I’m glad you’re happy now and here, Snufkin.”

Oh, yes, he’d nearly forgotten. Moomin knew who he was now. Snufkin lowered his head in thought. Nobody in his travels ever actually knew him. Did it change anything?

“Little My didn’t tell us much,” Moomin said as if reading his thoughts. “She said she new you in her childhood but then you disappeared. What does she mean by ‘her childhood?’ She’s still a kid! She’s so small!”

Snufkin laughed. It was a small sound that surprised him as much as it did surprise Moomin. They both fell silent and completely still for a second or two but then Moomins huffed.

“Well, she is! She can barely reach my tummy and when she wants to she hides in a teapot. A teapot!”

Snufkin couldn’t help himself and laughed again.

Later when Snufkin was alone again he tried speaking.

“Moomin,” he said. The sound that came out of his mouth was quiet as a whisper and raspy from disuse. But it was there. For the first time in years Snufkin had a voice and he had to wander – had it been there long and he just didn’t know it? Or did it come back just now? If so then why?

What was about this valley, these people that made him change? What was different about Moomin?

The answer came to him later, much later, when he was fishing by the river, his sight on the float. Moomin didn’t pressure him. He listened but didn’t mind when Snufkin was quiet while he talked all by himself. Moomin wanted to know the other boy better and that was so much different from people who just assumed who he was or who never cared. He had asked Little My but came for answers to Snufkin anyway.

And Snufkin wanted Moomin to know him as well. To know the real him and not just the quiet Mymble child or the homeless vagabond. Snufkin could let Moomin know Snufkin.

The prospect excited him as much as it seemed frightening.

* * *

Little My came by a few hours later, when the sun was already safely hidden behind the mountains and the moon peeked shyly from behind the clouds. Snufkin just finished eating his stew but still had some leftovers and so he offered a plate to the girl. She accepted the meal but soon wrinkled her nose at the taste claiming that Moominmamma cooked so much better.

“You should come by some time. you’d see what real food tastes like.”

Snufkin hummed in response, forgetting for a moment that he had a voice again and My could hear the sound now.

“Don’t believe me? I can bet my teapot you could never cook as good!”

“You always win your bets,” the boy replied. “I don’t really feel like losing anything.”

It was kind of ironic that the first person to hear him speak after years of silence was one of the loudest people he new. Of course, Little My responded in her usual, self-assured way.

“I don’t bet if I know I’m going to lose. Anyway, I need to go. Come by for dinner sometime. And Snufkin… I missed you,” she confessed before running off.

Missed him. His sister missed him. The words made something in Snufkin’s chest tighten. He didn’t realise his family would miss him. He now felt bad about assuming nobody would notice he was even gone. He felt even worse when he realised he himself maybe didn’t miss them as much as a son and a brother should. His freedom, the open roads and quiet afternoons in the sun were much more inviting than the noisy house he grew up in. He did love his family, he knew that. He just didn’t mind being far away from them. Maybe they had never seen him because he didn’t even try to be seen.

 

His voice was gone the next day.

 

Moomin and Snorkmaiden made it come back when they showed him their new dance moves and had him join in. Laughing in their presence was so easy.

* * *

Snufkin didn’t really enjoy company, it was oh so tiring. His invisibility helped to keep other people away. Moomin didn’t seem to care about that and Snufkin to his own surprise didn’t mind him that much either. There were times though, when he did.

It seemed, these days, that he had visitors every day. His friends, they called themselves and he started using that word for them as well long before he realised how true it was. But even a friend’s presence can prove to be too much.

After another day spent picking flowers and exploring the forest, Snufkin was simply tired. It was not the type of tiredness that came with a day full of activity – the satisfying kind. It was exhaustion that made his bones ache and head swim. Playing with his friends that day was not fun but instead a chore.

After they had left for the night, Snufkin left as well. He packed all of his things and set out for the mountains.

When the mumrik set his camp at the foot of the mountain he could finally breathe.

* * *

It was strange to realise he actually wanted to come back to the valley. It was nice there, he thought. The flowers were really beautiful, the river made a sound that could lull him to sleep even on restless nights, and yes, he had friends there.

So Snufkin came back. He always did as he pleased. It was his own decision to climb down the mountain he spent the last few days on to return to Moomin, Little My and the rest of the gang. He wasn’t sure how they’d receive him though. He left without a goodbye, they might not like it. He wasn’t big on social conventions but he probably should’ve left at least a note. They might not want to see him any more. Nevertheless, he descended from the mountain and set a camp in his previous spot.

As it turned out, Snufkin shouldn’t have worried. As soon as Moomin saw his green hat, the troll came running and him and embraced the other boy in a hug.

The touch was surprising and Snufkin tensed for a second, unused to physical affection. He patted his friend on the back awkwardly. After a few seconds he squirmed out of the embrace. He put his paw on Moomin’s shoulder in a form of an apology.

“Oh, sorry.” Moomin retreated a couple of steps, looking at his own feet in embarrassment. “I just missed you so much, Snufkin.”

Missed him, it was the second person who admitted to missing him in the last few days. It made Snufkin’s heart swell with feeling.

“I missed you, too,” the boy replied. “I’m sorry I left so suddenly. I just needed a few days for myself.”

Moomin’s ears perked up.

“So you’re not angry with us?” Moomin asked.

“Angry? Why would I be?”

Snufkin had been a little irritated by the constant company but nobody in the valley ever did him any wrong. He couldn’t be angry at them even if he wanted to. Moomin and others were his friends.

“We kept nagging you, even when we knew you were tired. I thought you had enough of our company.”

“I just needed some rest, that’s all, and you have some very beautiful mountains here. I explored for a little bit. I came back to my friends, though.”

Moomin smiled but a stern look quickly appeared on his soft face.

“If you ever feel tired just tell us to leave you alone. We wanted to include you in our games and we still do but Mamma says some people need more space than others and that’s okay. So if you want to spend a day alone, we won’t mind. Though we enjoy your company very much, Snufkin.”

That was more than Snufkin expected. More than he could ever wish for – a friend who understood his boundaries. His siblings wouldn’t leave him alone no matter how many times he asked. His mother was so focused on the rowdy children that she hardly had time to look after the quiet one. Snufkin needed both attention and being left alone but on his own terms. Moomin was the first to accept it.

Snufkin felt his lips twitch and his eyes fill with tears. He was so glad to be invisible right now. At the same time he vowed to become visible so that he could spend time with his friends properly.

“Thank you,” he whispered and Moomin smiled.

* * *

There was a bow in Snufkin’s tail. He had always been superstitious and did things like wish upon the new moon or see what he should do looking at the flow of the water. He certainly did not want to end up in Hemulen jail so he tied a bow because of a song. It was a long time ago and the bow was dirty, the material torn and faded. And visible for the first time in years on the tip of his nearly visible tail. Snufkin looked at it in amazement.

He usually kept his tail hidden under his coat to keep it warm only to let it out in the privacy of his tent. He had forgotten how fluffy his tail was compared to those of his siblings. His father’s inheritance, he supposed. His tail, like himself, was always calm but right now it was swaying softly from right to left and back, the move hypnotising to Snufkin’s eyes. Then, he heard Moomin’s voice calling him. The tail shot up in happiness as if it had a mind of it’s own. Snufkin tucked it back under his coat and went out to meet his friend.

* * *

“You’ll become visible when you’re ready to,” Moominmamma said one afternoon.

Snufkin regained his voice some time ago but his body, with the exception of his tail, still remained invisible. Moomin was out with Snorkmaiden, My and Sniff exploring the forest while Snufkin opted to stay back at his tent this time. However, Moominmamma needed some help looking for rare herbs and he offered his services.

Mamma was a kind woman. All softness and warmth just like her son but also calmness that encompassed a restless soul. Snufkin didn’t even know he was worried until she asked and the words came tumbling out of his mouth – how he loved the valley, how he loved the people and how the people here loved him. That he finally had a voice but he still couldn’t have his friends see him properly and what was wrong with him? It must have been his fault, right? Moomin, Sniff, Snorkmaiden and even Little My, they’ve been nothing but kind to him, did their best to leave him alone when he needed it. To include him. They cared. Maybe it was him who didn’t care enough.

Mamma sat in the grass, her apron full of herbs they gathered over the last hour.

“Do you know why a child becomes invisible?”

“I… I didn’t want people to bother me.”

“That may be part of it. But there’re other reasons. It might abuse. It might be neglect. I do not mean to presume or imply anything but why _did_ you become this way? You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Snufkin sat down next to her, the herbs gathered in his arms spilling on his hips. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, face tucked in his paws and he thought.

“I wanted to be left alone,” he said and it was true but it wasn’t the whole truth, was it? “Mum was always busy with other children but she wasn’t neglectful,” he insisted. “I was never hungry or cold and that was enough. But there were so many of us, most so noisy, running, shouting, making a mess. I needed some time to myself. I think that’s why I became invisible. I think I just didn’t love my family enough and to avoid them I disappeared first from their sight, then from their lives.” His voice broke a little on the last sentence. He buried his face further in his paws though Mamma couldn’t see him anyway. That was all he had wanted his entire life, wasn’t it? To be left alone. Then why did it hurt so much to admit it.

“Can I hug you?” Mamma asked.

Snufkin didn’t know but he nodded anyway.

The embrace was soft and calming just like Moominmamma herself.

“You didn’t want to disappear,” she murmured, her snout buried in his hair. “Others didn’t see you and so you convinced yourself it was you who didn’t want to be seen. Sometimes the truth hurts so much we invent a lie to cover it and forget it was a lie because it makes everything easier. I’m sure you mother didn’t mean any harm but every child needs attention, the loud one and the quiet one.”

The dam broke, Snufkin choked on fresh tears. It seemed he did an awful lot of crying these days. Mamma softly rubbed circles on his back and let him cry his heart out.

“Most of the time it was as if she forgot I was even there,” he sobbed, for the first time voicing the thoughts hidden so deep inside his soul that he didn’t even know he had them in the first place. “She always kept an eye out for others but never for me. It was always ‘ _Snufkin can take care of himself’_ and she let me wander the forest or travel down the river. Stay out in my tent for days, never even bothering to check if I was alright. I know she trusted me to be fine on my own but it still hurt. I know she was busy, I know that. I know. I just wish she would find five minutes for me too. I don’t want to be alone all the time, I need to feel somebody cares.”

“It’s alright, let it all out.”

Snufkin cried until there were no more tears left. He apologised to Mamma for making her fur wet but she just smiled that gentle, understanding smile of hers and told him everything was alright.

“If you ever feel lonely come to us, remember our door is always open. We’re always happy to have you.”

“I will,” he promised.

After their talk his heart felt lighter than it did in years.

* * *

Days passed. Snufkin fell into some sort of routine – it didn’t tire him yet but he knew staying in one place eventually will prove too much for his wandering soul and he would have to leave. But he also knew he would return when he had enough travels. It was some sort of paradox, he though – travel to rest from people and stay with friends to rest from travels. But it was part of his nature, Snufkin supposed. He was fine with that and so were his friends, even though Moomin tended to turn moody whenever Snufking mentioned leaving the valley.

Parting would be hard, Snufkin knew, but he needed his time alone. And so would Moomin. The young troll seemed fascinated with him even when Snufkin didn’t see anything special in himself at all. Moomin idolised the other boy, spend a lot of time trying to impress him. Snufkin liked Moomin the most when he stayed true to himself. Snufkin liked the kind, soft and friendly Moomin he had first met the most.

Apart from Moomin Snufkin got closer with Little My as well. Away from their home they found some familiarity in themselves. While Snufkin retreated to solitude, My fought for attention her whole life. She was loud but also sneaky and inventive and the mumrik learned to admire that about her. As it turned out, they worked together quite well, especially while fighting the authorities they both hated so much. They had much more in common than they could ever expect.

Snufkin knew now he never got enough attention from the Mymble but he also knew that he should have at least tried to keep in touch with the rest of his family. Little My proved to him that they cared about him more than he believed. Maybe if he had a proper talk with his mother, they could get along better. Or maybe not. He should at least try.

The autumn was already there and it was starting to get cold. Moomins hibernated as Snufkin found out. Mymbles could do that as well so My would hibernate with them. Mumriks did not. Winter, Snufkin decided, would be a perfect time for him to leave the valley. He announced he would leave before the first snow falls so he could find an easy passage through the mountains.

Tears flooded Moomin’s eyes but the troll refused to let them fall.

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I need to. You know I need time to myself and you’ll be asleep. I’ll be back by the time you even notice I was gone.”

“You’ll be back?” Moomin’s ears perked at this.

“Only if you want me to.”

“Of course I do! You’re my best friend in the whole world.”

Snufkin laughed a little and teased, “I thought Sniff was your best friend. Or maybe Snorkmaiden, you’re awfully close with her. It’s adorable.”

Moomin’s face turned bright pink.

“That’s different,” he protested. “Snorkmaiden is my girlfriend and while Sniff _is_ my friend, he’s not you. You’re unique, Snufkin. I would very much like to see you next year. And every year after that.”

Snufkin’s face softened. Moomin’s words reassured him. The mumrik knew now that he would be always welcomed in Moominvalley.

“I would like to see you too, Moomin.”

Moomin gasped.

“I can see you smile,” he whispered in awe.

Snufkin slowly lifted a hand to his face. He could see his dirty paws, callouses on his palms, broken fingernails. His paw was completely visible and he could only assume the rest of him was as well.

The smile grew wider on his face.

“I will see you next spring then,” he said simply.

“I guess I will see you too, Snufkin,” replied Moomin, first tears trailing down his snout, only they weren’t the tears of hurt but happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](https://princesschuuya.tumblr.com)


End file.
